New Yorker: "Mafia Decline" Caused by Ineffective Communications

 It was observed that poor texting habits led to many issues.




This was published on Aug. 18 by the New Yorker magazine under its Daily Shouts rubric with the headline: FBI Report on Mafia Decline Caused by Group Text and E-mail Chains:

INTERNAL/CLASSIFIED
After extensive investigation, our specialized team, the F.B.I. New-Media Task Force, has determined that organized-crime syndicates are being increasingly hampered by an inability to communicate effectively through text messages and e-mails. Agents have found that the Mafia and other large criminal groups are having difficulty planning crimes as a result of overly long strings of messages that are derailed by unrelated jokes and gifs. Our investigators are pleased to report that this pattern has led to a decrease in crime and an increase in criminal organizations’ cellular overage charges.

The bulk of this investigation involved the interception and analysis of Mafia members’ text messages. It was observed that poor texting habits led to many issues. For instance, unrecognized abbreviations often had to be explained (LOL = Lots of Larceny, CSP = Cement Shoes Please, BHK = Break His Knees, etc.). Mobsters who own different brands of phones were inadvertently left out of group texts, and as a result crimes were understaffed and failed. Winking emojis that were meant to subtly imply something illegal were often interpreted as flirtatious, and vice versa.




Combing through Mafia conversations has revealed an organization that is overly chatty, unable to make basic criminal decisions in fewer than fifty logistical messages. Consider this transcript from a group text chain labelled “Legitimate Businessmen”:


Joey Three Snaps: did you get it? 
Hambone Harry: yah, where can I can hand it off?
Joey Three Snaps: Tito’s? 
Hambone Harry: eh I don’t feel like that, had mexican last night 
Gus Gus: we don’t have to eat for this meeting 
Joey Three Snaps: wat do you feel like? 
Hambone Harry: not Tito’s 
Gus Gus: guys what about just Starbucks 
Joey Three Snaps: nah I need to eat 
Gus Gus: they have muffins n stuff 
Hambone Harry: guys come on, pick something 
Gus Gus: sidebar: where’s a good place to start with don delillo?

This particular text conversation continues for another sixty-four minutes until its participants decide to abandon the plan altogether, and to start with “White Noise.” We believe that, in this instance, inept texting combined with numerous long-winded tangents about what constitutes a “low-key date spot” prevented or delayed a serious crime....

(Yes, this is meant to be humorous, I think....)

Read entire story....




Comments

Would you read an occasional off-topic story on this blog?

Popular Stories

Feds Find Mafia “Infamnia” in Home of Vincent (Chin) Gigante's Son

Bonanno Crime Family Acting Boss Joe Cammarano Among 10 Rounded Up in New York City

Joey Merlino, Alleged Boss of Philadelphia Mafia, Suffers Chest Pains and Is Hospitalized; Manhattan Trial Postponed

Hoodwinked: Restaurateur on Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares Was a Mobster

The Mafia in a New Golden Era?

Gyp Rosetti Sharpens Boardwalk Empire's Edge

The Legend of Bugsy Siegel and Las Vegas

Popular posts from this blog

Gyp Rosetti Sharpens Boardwalk Empire's Edge

The Mafia in a New Golden Era?

Merlino's Big Dice Roll Imminent; He Goes to Trial ALONE in Manhattan Federal Court on January 16

UPDATED: Vincent Asaro, Alleged Mobster, Found Incoherent in MDC, Gets 8 Years

Feds Find Mafia “Infamnia” in Home of Vincent (Chin) Gigante's Son

Hoodwinked: Restaurateur on Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares Was a Mobster